The Numbers Game

Whenever I tell people about my diagnosis and about life the question that seems to get asked frequently or people want to ask and don't is the "How long do you have?" What a question I think and and most of the time I just ask "How long do I have until (insert appropriately normal thing) I get dinner or go to the movies". The reason being is I want the people who are asking to actually say what they mean, especially when they think they are close enough to ask "How long do you have left to live?" The thing is whether you have cancer or not, you could die from a car accident or menagerie of random things. What people want to know is how cancer effects the longevity of your life. For me personally, I didn't want to know any of that information at the beginning. I was scared and the fact that I had to face my own mortality shook my 20 something sense of invincibility. The other thing was loads of people I knew told me you had to have a positive outlook on the diagnosis/life to help cure yourself. I found it hard with that thought in my head to look at the numbers. I did look at the numbers finally and instead of the impossible dread I feared would happen it seems like some more information. The numbers are broken down by 5 year survival rates (I got this information from the American Cancer Society website http://www.cancer.org/cancer/stomachcancer/detailedguide/stomach-cancer-survival-rates)
Stage IA - 71%
Stage IB - 57%
Stage IIA - 46%
Stage IIB - 33%
Stage IIIA - 20%
Stage IIIB - 14%
Stage IIIC - 9%
Stage IV - 4%

"The overall 5 year relative survival rate of all people with stomach cancer in the United States is about 29%."

Maybe this post seems morbid and maybe some aren't ready to look at it. The truth for the people diagnosed with this disease is that 3/10 people make it to the 5 year mark. For me 5 years from now would put me at 28. Now does that resign me to live sadly until then? Do I let go and party harder than ever before? Maybe a change of perspective is needed on the 5 year thing. 5 years is 260 weeks/1,826 days/43,830 hours/2,629,800 minutes/ 157,788,000 seconds. Time to ______. When I figure that I will let you know, but time to live extraordinary.

Thanks for reading.

Bloody Monday

So yesterday was a bloody Monday. Not only was it Monday but I had to spend approximately 6 hours having someone's blood pumped into my body. Might I say that it is not my most enjoyable experience (I may actually prefer chemo day to be honest) but a necessary one. I also had chemo day last Thursday so what a wonderful week. I actually didn't feel too badly after chemo but after yesterday I defiantly needed some time to recover. Other than playing vampire yesterday things seem to be going okay. I had coffee with some friends on Sunday. I just got back from a local cancer support group I started going to several weeks ago. I actually look forward to the group. Look forward to talking with the facilitators and hearing the stories of other patients and their caregivers. Sometimes you hear stories so similar to yours and helps you realize that there is a community out there, with similar struggles. I don't know sometimes I just feel  like a "dumb kid" and to be perfectly honest it is nice to feel that way. Not a lot to say I guess. Tomorrow I am going fishing and thats about it.

Peace.

Long Time

Sorry about the delay since my last posting. I was waiting on results from a CT scan I took after passing the half way point in my treatment. Then the hospital where I did my original CT scan took two weeks getting sent over to my oncologist. I was trying to pretend I didn't care but I was actually stressed about it. All I know so far is that the tumor has shrunk. That is what I have been told but hopefully I found out more next week! I started to attend a support group at another hospital in the area and spent a couple sessions being the only attendee and having some one on one with the facilitator. It has been nice talking with them about my past and trying to do a better job expressing my emotions and dealing with the fears that come from dealing with cancer especially at a young age. I am specifically referring to dealing with your own mortality. I never thought of myself as thinking I am invincible. Now though I realized I did. The main side effect of my treatment has been anemia (low red blood cells) and it leads to a shortness of breath and becoming fatigued easily. It robs me of the strength I used to have.

I always try to participate in community service events but I have never been on the receiving end. At my last treatment day a dog (sorry forgot to get a photo) from the local therapy animal came in and it was so nice to get to play with her for a bit. I also got to see how the rest of the patients reacted and how uplifted they were. In addition I will be participating in program called Reel Recovery in July. I will get to go fishing (a favorite activity of mine) meet other men affected by cancer and at no cost thanks to generous donors and volunteers. Meeting people who volunteer their time and energies renews some of my faith in a world that soft often seems overrun with all sorts of terrible. I hope to volunteer with these activities when my treatment is over. If you get a chance to I strongly encourage you to as well. The amount of hope I know I get from these fine people is awesome. There are those who tell you to be positive all the time and not get down, let me tell you what, CANCER SUCKS. The folks that say this obviously haven't had chemotherapy and all of the side effects it brings. It is impossible to be positive all the time, what is important is to be hopeful and live/love your life. It is okay for you to admit how crappy it is and sometimes get down as long as you don't stay down forever.  A quote I found recently helps me going during those low periods or I found myself asking "Why me" or "How do I deal with this in addition to all the other things in life".

        "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men" - John F. Kennedy


Other than that I just am trying to enjoy life. I went to Yoga class for the very first time and enjoyed it and will most likely will go back. I am also trying to spend time with friends and the folks who I consider part of my family. Both my roommates have moved out and it weird being in my house alone and have to pack my own stuff to move out which is kind of crazy right now since I  am dealing with cancer which is crazy.

Thanks for reading my rant. And again if you have questions or need someone to chat with shoot me an email.