Long Time

Sorry about the delay since my last posting. I was waiting on results from a CT scan I took after passing the half way point in my treatment. Then the hospital where I did my original CT scan took two weeks getting sent over to my oncologist. I was trying to pretend I didn't care but I was actually stressed about it. All I know so far is that the tumor has shrunk. That is what I have been told but hopefully I found out more next week! I started to attend a support group at another hospital in the area and spent a couple sessions being the only attendee and having some one on one with the facilitator. It has been nice talking with them about my past and trying to do a better job expressing my emotions and dealing with the fears that come from dealing with cancer especially at a young age. I am specifically referring to dealing with your own mortality. I never thought of myself as thinking I am invincible. Now though I realized I did. The main side effect of my treatment has been anemia (low red blood cells) and it leads to a shortness of breath and becoming fatigued easily. It robs me of the strength I used to have.

I always try to participate in community service events but I have never been on the receiving end. At my last treatment day a dog (sorry forgot to get a photo) from the local therapy animal came in and it was so nice to get to play with her for a bit. I also got to see how the rest of the patients reacted and how uplifted they were. In addition I will be participating in program called Reel Recovery in July. I will get to go fishing (a favorite activity of mine) meet other men affected by cancer and at no cost thanks to generous donors and volunteers. Meeting people who volunteer their time and energies renews some of my faith in a world that soft often seems overrun with all sorts of terrible. I hope to volunteer with these activities when my treatment is over. If you get a chance to I strongly encourage you to as well. The amount of hope I know I get from these fine people is awesome. There are those who tell you to be positive all the time and not get down, let me tell you what, CANCER SUCKS. The folks that say this obviously haven't had chemotherapy and all of the side effects it brings. It is impossible to be positive all the time, what is important is to be hopeful and live/love your life. It is okay for you to admit how crappy it is and sometimes get down as long as you don't stay down forever.  A quote I found recently helps me going during those low periods or I found myself asking "Why me" or "How do I deal with this in addition to all the other things in life".

        "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men" - John F. Kennedy


Other than that I just am trying to enjoy life. I went to Yoga class for the very first time and enjoyed it and will most likely will go back. I am also trying to spend time with friends and the folks who I consider part of my family. Both my roommates have moved out and it weird being in my house alone and have to pack my own stuff to move out which is kind of crazy right now since I  am dealing with cancer which is crazy.

Thanks for reading my rant. And again if you have questions or need someone to chat with shoot me an email.